How Church Can Get In The Way of Parenting

If you want to do a little good in the world, you don’t have to look far. There are so many worthy charities and missions that so desperately ask for a little time, money, or prayer. But, there is a point when church programs and missions become hazardous to a particular greater calling in your life: parenting. If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the good that needs to be done in the world and confused about where to shine your light first, keep reading for my points on how Church can get in the way of parenting.

We live in unique times in two ways: first, churches are no longer once-a-week meeting places as they were in pioneer days. There is a program going on for just about every day of the week and for every type of person. Youth programs, retirement activities, choir, Bible study, mission trips, counseling, prayer meetings, potluck, vacation Bible School, and the list goes on of activities that occur outside of the normal Sunday services. I often wonder if I could participate in all the programs if I lived in the church.

The second way these days are unique is the expectations put on women and Moms. Due to the feminism movement, it’s taboo to think or say anything that implies a mother should just stay at home and keep house and tend to her children. Women are allowed to and expected to go out and have careers and do extra things outside of the home. This line of thinking extends into the church in that there is an underlying perception that moms (especially stay at home moms) should have a little extra time to help out with this charity or that.

Here is my problem with extra-curricular church programs as a mom. It is my belief that when God gave us our children, He gave us the greatest mission we’ll probably ever have in this life: raising the next generation of spiritual soldiers for Him.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

But, since it doesn’t feel like you are doing much for the Lord when your life consists of changing diapers, cleaning up messes, feeding a small army, and keeping peace in a house full of rugrats, it’s easy to feel a need to seek out other missions and commit to helping with extra programs in the church.

It’s also easy for mission committee members to ask you, because, after all, moms are probably dying to get away from the kids, have some time with adults, and do something that actually feels productive for furthering God’s kingdom, right? Persistently requesting a mom’s help will add to her feeling like she should be doing more than just raising kids and keeping house.

But raising kids and keeping house is the Lord’s greatest mission for moms. Moms, you don’t need to feel pressured to do more, and definitely shouldn’t sacrifice time with their kids for the sake of church programs.

I need this lesson more than anyone because it’s so hard to say no when the cause seems so much greater than what you could be doing at home. But, when I’ve spent my days shuttling our son around from one church activity to another, sticking him in front of a smartphone to keep him quiet while I do the Lord’s work, and letting his routine, diet, and one-on-one time become second to church programs, I know I’ve crossed a line.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5

Taking care of kids isn’t glorious or exciting, but if it’s what God has given you to do, it has to be first. And, once you make that sacrifice, you will be blessed and find joy in those little, menial tasks.

“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” Proverbs 31:27-28

Now, this is important: I’m not saying you should never leave your house because you are a mom. I’m only pointing out that this is a balancing act. My husband and I are on one committee and I volunteer for a prison ministry on Thursdays, and I’ve decided that is about all I can handle before I start compromising on family time. I would love to do more and, believe me, there is plenty more to be done, but God’s mission to raise and care for my family comes first and I don’t feel guilty for saying no when a new need arises.

The vast amount of church programs and missions for us to participate in is a great thing in some ways, but it can also become a burden and distraction for moms from the primary mission God has given them. Parenting isn’t very fun and you don’t get any credit for it, but when you learn to balance extra missions with family time, you will be very blessed.